Pale People Probs

Hey everyone, here it is, the moment you've all been waiting for, my second blog post. Calm down, it's okay, I know you're happy. The topic of this post, as you can see, is pale people problems. As can be seen from my profile picture, I am rocking that milky skin complexion. Being pale is more than a skin type, it's a way of life. With this society obsessed with the sun and tanning beds, I'd like to give you all a peek into what it's like being the kid that has to stay in the shade for fear of being roasted alive. Following will be a list of the top Pale People Probs. Here we go:


1. Sunlight- This one is rather obvious. The whole reason we are pale is because the sun is our mortal enemy. Laying out on a warm day just isn't possible for us. Being burnt to a crisp is unpleasant and is avoided at all costs. We would rather retreat to the shadows and wallow in SPF 100.
2. Flash Photography- This is the enemy of any pale person. We can't emphasize how bad this is on us. It never fails when someone wants us to lean into a picture and then the bright flash of doom appears. Once the photo appraisals begin, you find that you resemble a specter. Moral of the story: be kind to pale people and take off the frigging flash.
3. Blushing- No one hates this as much as me. Everyone blushes, this is true. But when your face looks like a bucket of fresh milk, the sudden rise of color in the cheeks is especially noticeable. Blushing in the first place can make an awkward situation ever more embarrassing, but then to hear, "Oh god, look how red you're turning!" really just rubs salt in the wound. Personally, even when something doesn't really bother me, my cheeks still flare and make matters worse.
4. White Clothing- Wearing white is simply not an option for the fair folk. We are either so pale that we look like Casper trying to make a new friend, or we just scare people. Or, if you're a little off-white like me, it just makes you look sick. White clothing is not our friend. (On the flip side, black clothing can make us look like an illegitimate member of the Addams Family. We really have to watch what we're doing.)
5. Blinding Others- Yes, this happens. I can't tell you how many times I have walked outside with my friends and hear, "Dear god! My eyes! Damn Zach!" I almost feel bad. Almost. But for pale people that have more of a conscience than me, unintentionally harming others can weigh on them. We can hurt people with our skin, what's your super power?
6. Accused of Being a Vampire- This has happened to me...4 times. 4 times people. With vampires being as popular as they are in the media these days, I guess it's natural for people to assume that the creatures really do walk among us. We hate to disappoint y'all, but we're just as human and mediocre as you are. On the plus side, we always have an easy Halloween costume to fall back on.
7. Acne- Holy SPF Batman! This has to be the worst. Acne sucks, let's be real. I myself struggle with it on a daily basis. When you're tanner though, acne isn't quite as noticeable. But when your skin is the same shade as paper, those little acne volcanoes start to look a whole lot bigger. It's not a pretty sight.
8. Being Told to Go Tanning- Sigh. If only it were that simple. You see, tan counterparts, we pale peeps can't just "go tan" like you can. As I discussed in Reason 1, it can be downright painful to be out in the sun. If we could tan, I'm quite sure we would. But no matter how many times you throw this completely idiotic piece of advice our way, it still won't work.
9. Glowing Under a Black Light- This has happened to me. It's too sad to make up. This isn't one of the worst aspects to being one of the proud and ghostly, but it certainly sucked at the time. During my first and only time playing laser tag in a black lit arena, my teammates were shocked and dismayed to find that my skin glowed. So I basically became a shining target for the enemy to act like they were Scarface and begin shooting me until they had enough points to win. Needless to say, I've had better outings.
10. Being Asked if We're Feeling Well- I hate this. I absolutely hate it. I don't know how many times I get asked a week if I'm feeling alright because I "look pale". Yes, thanks for the concern, but I'm in tip top shape. When I start turning other colors, then be concerned.


All in all, be kind to we the Pale People. We didn't choose the Pale Life, it chose us. Don't force us to come play in the sun, but let us roam free in the shadows with our multiple bottles of sunscreen.


Thanks for reading everyone. I hope you enjoyed my post. Feel free to drop me a comment or send me a message if you have anything to add about the struggles of being pale.